ALL POEMS OF PETER STRUGNELL

Poetry Series
peter strugnell
- poems -
2
peter strugnell (07 Jul 1963)
born portsmouth 1963
education:
Glenhurst, Havant.
Oakwood prep school, chichester sussex
Grenville college, Devon
Highbury technical college, portsmouth
Jobs:
lloyds bank
royal navy, writer
1989 moved to France
carpenter Livarot Normandie and Broglie
2006 ill health, ruptured cerebral annurism, forces change in lifestyle!
2009 moved to Argentan, France
3
a golden thread
It feels so right, i can't believe my luck
I go carefully, with a full cup
you're my heroin, you make me stronger
just when i feel, i can't go on any longer
sometimes a breeze, and sometimes perilous
our story continues, and it began thus.
And when in life, i would lose my way
it was you honey, who would hold me sway
when i've lost faith, in all of mankind
it's you i look for, and it's you i find
our love consumes, but at a slow burn
a faster love ain't my concern
A golden thread that never rusts
drawn in elegance and wound in trust
a golden thread our lives entwined
it holds us together but it doesn't bind
a thread so fine and delicately spun
where two broken strands can become one
you make me laugh and you make me blue
still i want to see the autumn colours with you
don't want to leave you with the wrong impression
or for my feelings to go without expression
we've had more highs than we've had lows
just want to say what your heart already knows
peter strugnell
4
a new dawn
there's a new dawn
the sun on the horizon
begins the new day
mistakes I have made
but then that was yesterday
the slate clean again
I have but no one
I shape my own destiny
no time for regrets
a love that is lost
but still a future to be
it's a perfect morn
only me to blame
I still have a tomorrow
as i start a new
and i feel no joy
i feel nothing at all
but there is no pain
no look back at all
it is all but potential
and it is all fair
peter strugnell
5
a pebble in my shoe
and they say that nostalgia, is a seductive liar
and then again, there is no smoke without fire
I know that we should, never look to the past
because nothing lasts forever, nothing ever lasts
and i can't seem, to love the one I'm with
I'm all cried out, I've nothing more to give
and i have real trouble, in moving on
i know the post is past, what's gone is gone
there's something nagging at my mind
you know i don't mean to be unkind
but you're like a pebble stuck in my shoe
and i hate myself, for still loving you
I still can't get you, off of my mind
on my heart you've stamped, and signed
a part of life of which, you were a phase
but it wasn't all bad, weren't there some good days?
the word is out, in the neighbourhood
that i can't love, that I'm damaged goods
I'm still waiting for time, to heal the scars
as we divide in two, everything that was ours
there's something nagging at my mind
you know i don't mean to be unkind
but you're like a pebble stuck in my shoe
and i hate myself, for still loving you
it is perhaps time, to start something new
after all the pain, that we've gone through
I'm finding it hard, for the heart to let go
and we really do reap, everything that we sow
and wish i knew, what it was you seek
there were promises, that we couldn't keep
and now we shall never, grow old together
it's clear that your 'forever', was not forever
there's something nagging at my mind
you know i don't mean to be unkind
but you're like a pebble stuck in my shoe
and i hate myself, for still loving you
peter strugnell
6
accept yourself
Today I have some difficulties, some scars still remain
full of self doubt, through injury to the brain,
a brush with mortality, it's got to change a person,
it changes your view, and previous assertions,
it's like a rebirth, or even a second chance,
i thank my lucky stars, fate and circumstance,
forced to re-learn, many forgotten skills,
i curse these accidents, and the neurones that they kill,
i'm slower in thought, but quicker in temper,
i'm quick to tire, and slow to remember,
i know damn well, that life can be rough,
but you can't tell me, that acceptance aint tough.
you know that you've got plenty of ability,
and you're probably better than you think that you are are,
and of course you have some difficulty,
but step by step you're gonna go far,
your own true value, you should accept,
coz you are you, no apologies, no regret,
no, no, no apologies and no regret!
there are things of course that i don't do brilliant,
sometimes weak, sometimes resilient,
it's the same for everyone, to some degree,
self pity is a handicap, it's my worst enemy,
like a warm embrace, from an old acquaintance,
i welcome him in, my old friend acceptance.
i didn't know then, i'd recover like i did,
i'm ashamed to say, i didn't want to live,
i shouldn't complain, but i often still do,
hardship is a teacher, of things i never knew,
acceptance you know, doesn't mean you give in,
not an end to it all, but a place to begin.
peter strugnell
7
brain fever bird
deep in the green of a Banana tree
there's a wee bird twittering at me
when the heavy air lies hot and still
he cries, your ill, your ill, your ill!
I wouldn't mind if he said it just once
does he takes me for a stupid dunce?
time after time your ears he'll fill
with cries of, your ill, your ill, your ill!
in a word 'well' doc is how i feel
i don't listen to their spiel
i don't believe it but soon I will
coz, your ill, your ill, your ill
from the outside it really doesn't show
but how is it that i'm the last to know
the wee bird's voice is now quite a shrill
he says, your ill, your ill, your ill
he's persistent he demands to be heard
the voice you hear is the brain fever bird
he keeps on saying you are, until
its true, your ill, your ill, your ill
peter strugnell
8
certainty where there's plenty of doubt
In this world of concrete and steel
there's a softer side i want to feel
is it right that we should be apart?
falling out, we've made it an art
and it seems so wrong, the distance between us
there is no reason to fight and fuss
oh how i long for your embrace
find it in your heart to grant me grace
Tenderness in a world that is hard
a whisper heard above the shouts
stability within a house of cards
certainty where there's plenty of doubt
our foolish pride is fooling noone
yes pride when all is said and done
let's talk through all of our differences
break down the barriers and the fences
let's have a go at building the bridges
it's as hard as climbing mountain ridges
the heart cries out for the human touch
to continue to be apart is too much
your love gives me shelter from the storm
when the spirit is tattered and torn
and when in my head the buzzing won't stop
just the touch of your hand means a lot
and as the flower grows and bends towards the light
i won't give you up, not without a fight
forget all that's happened in the past
let's keep it together and make it last
peter strugnell
9
don't declare your love today
never tell a woman you'll always gonna stay
that you'll stand by her come what may
or that you'll love her t'ill your dying day
don't declare your love today
and you wear your heart on your sleeve
you know deep down you could never leave
whatever you do don't show your need
don't declare your love today
and i know you and you know me
there's nothing left to discover now
in your mind you'd like to be wild and free
the only trouble is you don't know how
you know you'd like to climb her stairs
the more you love her the less she cares
yes i know, it hardly seems fair
but don't declare your love today
and if you want to keep her in your care
for a love that makes people stop and stare
give her space to breathe, and a little air
don't declare your love today
peter strugnell
10
from your head to your toes
from an old photo you were looking so fine
what's more, in those days you were mine
you were as beautiful as dart-moor heather
the hills covered in mist, typical english weather
your beauty is no comfort in my melancholy
it is no comfort in life's errors and folly
looking so elegant it was easy to love you
your kisses and smiles in the morning dew
but i must stop looking back, it serves no purpose
no point staying together for better and for worse
I prefer to remember you as you are in this pose
loved and adored from your head to your toes.
peter strugnell
11
i'm a liar and your a fake
the love i invested i never got back
and where does that leave me further down the track
you've got to be lied to to know the value of truth
I have some regrets, i've wasted my youth
and we all know that politciens are all on the take
and i am a liar, and you're a fake
it's simple really to explain what you do
apply to every instance, 'what's in it for you'
as the african president again fills his boots
more children die as he robs and he loots
any love left is destroyed in the wake
and i'm a liar and your a fake
I don't know who you are anymore
where's the woman, the lover i had before
i don't understand my very own emotions
where's the love, the care, the devotion
the colours of our love have faded to opaque
and i'm a liar and your a fake
the rich get richer and the poor stay poor
and a cold wind blows in my heart and these shores
when i held out my hand you slapped it away
there is no winner here; we're both gonna pay
we are like two spoilt children, we only know how to take
and i'm a liar and you're a fake
it's impossible you can't argue with a fickle wind
it changes direction and nobody wins
like silicone implants, it doesn't feel the same
the bankers screw us over, they have no shame
why don't you use the name your mother gave you at any rate
I may be a liar but honey your a fake
peter strugnell
12
les choses sont comme elles sont (traduction de la poeme en anglais, 'what is,
is! '
Traduction de Fanny en français
LES CHOSES SONT COMME ELLES SONT
Alors que je marchais seul sur une piste montagneuse,
J'ai rencontré un vieil homme portant un sac à dos
Y a-t-il des paroles sages que vous voudriez me confier?
Y'a-t-il quelque chose que je devrai savoir?
Ne perds pas ton temps avec des choses que tu ne peux changer,
Ou à penser que quelqu'un d'autre doit être blamé
L'inquiétude te laissera fatigué et las!
Ce sont là mes pensées, c'est ma théorie
Aussi haut qu'une montagne, aussi vaste que le ciel,
Mon amour pour toi je n'ai jamais pu l'expliquer
Comme les rivières, l'océan et la mer
Les choses sont comme elles sont, et devront le rester
Tu vis dans le futur ou le passé, d'une manière ou d'une autre
Pour ma part je vais vivre dans le moment présent
Comme notre rencontre et notre conversation
C'est le voyage qui compte, pas la destination
S'efforcer d'être le meilleur est absurde
Il faut juste donner le meilleur de soi
Elles t'ont été distribuées, alors joues tes cartes mon ami
C'est tout ce que tu peux faire, c'est tout ce que je te recommande
Aussi haut qu'une montagne, aussi vaste que le ciel,
Mon amour pour toi je n'ai jamais pu l'expliquer
Comme les rivières, l'océan et la mer
Les choses sont comme elles sont, et devront le rester.
peter strugnell
13
little girl lost
Little girl lost and alone in a crowded room
she looks to the window to the stars and the moon
she whispers 'does anyone really care'?
can you hear me 'is there anybody there'?
but there is and there's more than one
who heard what you said and cares if your gone.
and every morning is a world made new
the slate wiped clean and we start anew
life can be hard and it's difficult to cope
but with each sunrise there's a ray of hope
the past is gone and the future unknown
but today is a 'present' got to make it your own
peter strugnell
14
missing words (manque des mots)
I have no words for you there is a problem
where are they when you need them
trapped in a corner of my mind
some words we shall never find
the speech therapist is helping me look
the cerebral annurism stole and it took
the words exist and have always existed
but will they come out, will they be liberated
frustration you don't know the half of it
I feel stupid i feel like an 'idgit'
some words will never find their way out
and it doesn't help to scream and to shout.
when all was functioning as it should
I'd draw up a list of vital words, and i could,
but now there's simply gaps in my list,
and the word won't come, even if i insist
what comes in its place is anger and frustration,
like all the passengers are waiting, with no train in the station.
words when they come easy we take them as said,
we don't question what the brain does, it's taken as read,
I don't understand when it decides not to function,
when both brain and speech don't work in conjunction.
It's frightening and i don't like what has happened
I can't except the injury, not for a second
the brain is a delicate instrument noone can deny
upset it's delicate balance and you'll soon see why
I can appear a bit scary if you don't understand
when i became ill it for sure wasn't planned
so please be tolerant if I'm feeling a bit low
it's probably due to a 'manque des mots'
peter strugnell
15
never doubt my love
verse 1
my love for you, has never felt so true,
i'll do my best, to never make you blue,
what little i have, i'd give it all to you,
you should never doubt my love
verse2
when you fall between a rock and a hard place,
when there are things, that you just can't face,
i can offer you a safer place
you should never doubt my love.
bridge1
but nothing's certain, and life is short,
and it's a crime, to hesitate too long,
what i'm selling, just can't be bought,
in my arms is, where you belong.
verse 3
when the one you count on, lets you down
when in a pool of tears, you think you'll drown,
life's misfortune together, we'll turn it around,
you should never doubt my love.
instrumental verse
bridge 2
live for today we might not be here tomorrow,
is the code, by which i live,
have no regrets, dont dwell on sorrow,
don't hold back, if you've got love to give.
verse 4
when the sands of time, are running out too fast,
when you think the good times, are all in the past,
and you think that happiness can never last
you should never doubt my love
peter strugnell
16
s'accepter soi-meme (title in english - accept yourself)
traduction français (merci à fanny)
Aujourd'hui j'ai quelques difficultés, quelques cicatrices reste toujours,
en plein manque de confiance en soi, par des blessures au cerveau,
quand on fleur la mortalité, C'est obligé que ça change une personne,
ça change votre vue, et revendications précédentes,
c'est comme une renaissance, ou une seconde chance,
je remercie mes étoiles chanceuses, le destin et circonstance.
obligé à réapprendre, beaucoup de compétences oubliées,
je maudire ces accidents, et les neurones qu'ils tuent,
je suis plus lent dans la pensée, mais plus vite dans le colére,
je suis vite de fatiguer, et lent pour se rappeler,
je sais bien, bien sur, cette vie peux être rude, mais on ne peut pas me dire, que
'acceptation n'est pas dur.
vous avez les compétances en abondance,
vous étes probablement mieux que vous en pensez,
naturellement vous allez rencontré une certaine difficulté,
mais pas à pas vous irez loin,
votre vraie valeur, vous devriez accepter,
vous êtes vous, aucunes excuses, aucun regret,
allez ainsi mon ami s'acceptent!
il y a des choses naturellement que je ne fais pas brillant,
parfois faible, parfois résilient,
ces pareilles pour tout le monde, à un certain degré,
valide, handicapé, ou avec le dissability,
comme une embrasse de chaleur, d'une vieille connaissance,
je lui souhaite la bienvenue, mon vieil ami acceptation.
je ne savais pas a l'époque, que j'allais récupère comme je faisais,
j'ai honte à dire, que je n'ai pas voulu vivre,
je n'aurai pas se plaignent, mais je le fais souvent quand meme,
les épreuves sont un professeur, des choses que je n'ai jamais sues,
acceptation vous savez, ne veut pas dire que vous tous lachez
ce n'est pas une fin à tous, mais un endroit à commencer.
peter strugnell
17
the librarian
he spends each night in my head doing the filing,
he's a conscientious man, he wants things neat and on the dot,
there's been vandalism, damage and the work's been piling,
at times he can't find the file and it's slot.
he is forever searching for it's proper place,
and he keeps me awake at night,
he's working at a furious pace,
but on my life he has made a blight.
he takes the ladder on it's runners,
he clatters about searching, with his serious face,
he keeps them on, the lights and the burners,
the files and dossiers never find their place.
he runs around like a headless chicken,
for ever in decreasing circles,
it's like his arse has been bitten,
for example by a snapping turtle.
all alone in the silent hours,
you're alone and you're tormented,
trying to sleep with all your powers,
and you think you shall end up demented.
peter strugnell
18
the welfare accommodation blues
It's a hard place, and I can see no way out
the kids in the corridor, they scream and they shout
the walls and ceiling are thin, below and above
you can hear the neighbours, when they're making love
we're three to a room, and that's no joke
why is it that, I'm alway's flat broke
opposite you'll find, there's a wife beater
three doors down, is the remedial offender
they dealt the wrong cards, forgot to shuffle the pack
from the cradle to the grave, in the poverty trap
was it my destiny, am I born to lose
yes I've got the, the welfare accommodation blues
don't know how it came to this, came to be so low
I'm the constant drip, in life's overflow
I'm still waiting for, for my ship to come in
the future? well, I only know where I've been
born to a violent father, and a drunk for a mother
i brought up both of them, my sister and my brother
responsibility I tell yer, I knew from a very young age
I lived with the bottle, and my father's rage
It's easy to enter, but difficult to leave
yes a condemned man, is written on my sleeve
we see no politicians here, on the election trail
I see the addict, the alcoholic, and those that fail
peter strugnell
19
to the ends of the earth
tell me this, do you think, that life has passed you by,
i always search, when i look, deep in your eyes
it's hard you know, to love someone, completely you'll find
with mystic countries, and distant sunsets, always on your mind
and then again, don't think that i, don't really care,
but you're never here, by my side, when your spirit is there
well all the best, i wish you well, on your journey unknown,
i'm strong enough, i'm tough enough, to make it on my own,
and I'd go to the ends of the earth for you
down narrow streets and the wide avenues
across desert plains, beyond the hills
through tulip fields, and the daffodils
and even when we're far apart,
you'll be on my mind and close to my heart
it takes a leap, of blind faith, to let you go,
but i can't keep you, in ropes and chaines, this at least i know,
between rocky desert, and alpine trail, and the carribean ocean
you'll find tranquility, and inner peace, that elusive of emotions
so when the fire, that you burn, is all but spent,
when you're tired, weary of the road, and haven't got a cent,
come back to me, i'm still here, if you're not too proud,
we'll start again, where we left off, I think that's still allowed,
so tell me again, of your travels, and the people you met,
from the carnival, down in rio, to the mountains of tibet,
tell me tales, of the golan heights, where the eagles cry,
but have a heart, please don't ask, if life has passed you by
peter strugnell
20
we shall never know
no class that morning you could see the joy in his eyes
for someone so young he was right to study life
he climbed the hillside as often he had done before
wanting to learn of nature and it's own law
fourteen summers old and unaware of the danger
in his world he and mortality were a stranger
from the ragged cliff edge where the falcon flies
his soul was taken chasing butterflies
so yes, we shall never know,
what you would have done, if you were allowed to grow
so yes, live like it's your last day
live life to the full, that's what I say
and you, you who was so young
well even you knew that life should be fun
a time of pure innocence and simple ties
a childlike honesty with no adult lies
to me forever young, you will never grow old
to those you met and to those you'll never know
peter strugnell
21
What is, is!
As I walked a lonely mountain track
i met an old man with a pack on his back
are there any wise words with me you'd like to share
is there anything of which i should be aware
'don't waste your time on things that can't be changed
or think that someone else, has got to be blamed
worry will leave you, so tired and weary
these are my thoughts, this is my theory'
as high as a mountain, as wide as the sky
my love for you, i could never justify
like the rivers, the ocean and the sea
what is, is, and shall always be
you're living in the future or the past somehow
I for one am going to live in the now
like our meeting and our conversation
it's the journey that counts not the destination
to strive to be the best is an absurdity
you've just got to be, the best you can be
play the hand your dealt, play your cards my friend,
it's all you can do, it's all I recommend
as high as a mountain, as wide as the sky
my love for you, i could never justify
like the rivers, the ocean and the sea
what is, is, and shall always be
peter strugnell
22
you believed in me
i wish that you could ask me, about my day,
I would say the words, that I never got to say,
our time together was way too short,
and It's a hard les-son that, that i've been taught.
It's not for pity, that i play the troubadour,
you were a friend to me, and so much more,
i'm not here in order, to mourn a wife,
if i'm here today it's, to celebrate a life.
my feelings and thoughts, in disaray,
you believed in me, as you would often say.
in life you know, there are things, beyond our control,
but i miss you, i miss you,
body and soul,
and it's my love for you, that shall never end,
and my heart i feel may, may just never mend,
a letter came today, still adressed to you,
but you are gone and, i thought everybody knew.
i can see your soul, in our little girl's eyes,
and i hear your voice, in our babies cries,
for our daughter, i've got to be strong,
it's for you and her, that i sing my song.
peter strugnell