ALL POEMS CARRIE SALAZAR

Poetry Series
Carrie Salazar
- poems -
2
A girl who
don't tell me that you can't do something
don't tell me that people say you can't
cuz your looking at a girl who
people said i couldn't
at a girl who has had a dad who was
messed up on beer who
beat my mom
who spent weekend nights to spend in jail
who was molested for 7 years
who used to and still struggles with cutting
who had the lowest self esstem
who has the troubles of a family
who tries to hide her feelings
who thinks she cant do anything right
who somethimes hates the life she lives
who sometimes would love to live a diff. life
who last oct. gave her life to christ
now she is trying to accomplish getting throiugh school
then is going 2 be a missionairy like
god called her to be
so dont tell me that you cant do something
great for your life and turnit around
cuz your looking at the
GIRL WHO IS
Carrie Salazar
3
a letter to my mom
Mom I love u but it hurts me when your like this.
Mom you may not be perfect but I love you,
you may do wrong but I love you.
Mom the things you say it hurts. what u say I believe because your my mom.
Mom, I know you make mistakes, your human and I love you for that.
Mom, why do you say things that would hurt me.
Why do you hurt me.
Mom, I realize that I can be a brat
but saying things like that it hurts.
Mom, when you say that, it makes me feel
like I want to die because I want to make you happy..
Mom, if it wasn't for you I could be on drugs or dead.
Mom, I love you,
I need you to stop saying these things.
I love you,
I need you,
Mom, forgive me for what I have done please
just please love me.
Mommy, i love you.
please forgive me for everything I've done and yet to do.
Carrie Salazar
4
a message to my ex
I love you…
But I don’t know if I can be with you
I am tired of you treating me like crap
I wish you would treat me like your princess again.
I wish I knew if you loved me
Not puppy love or anything like that
Real love, true love,
The kind where it will never die…
I don’t know what to do…
I miss you so much.
I miss the person you were
The person who I could call anytime and just talk about nothing.
I really am confused…
You say you love me
But when comes down to it
You push me away and to the side.
I am so lost…
What is it that you want…
I think you love the idea of me
Not the real true me.
Then again, I remember those times…
When nothing could tear us apart.
When all I had to do is say your name and I would feel safe.
When you trusted me…
I don’t what to do…
I wish I did…
It’s not fair…
We were supposed to be together forever…
Me and you…. Just me and you…
What happened to us…
Why can’t we be that again?
Why can’t I call you up and
We just talk about nothing
I miss you….
I need you…
I love you…
But I can’t do this anymore…
I can’t keep pretending like it doesn’t bother me
When you say some things…
When you never even find time for me….
I am sorry I love you…. But I think we should move on….
If you need me, I will be here….
5
I still wish we could be friends and then may just maybe
But right now, I think we should move on… I am sorry….
Carrie Salazar
6
a poem to my mom
you say im
not worth anything
u say im a
mistake of a human being
i ask god to
take me whne
u start getting like this
when u say these things
u say im
a peice of 'crap'
that i m stupid
and a lazy 'dog'
i want 2 die
when u say those things
i ask god
why do i live
usay that im
nothing and that
u wish that i was
never born
i try 2 hide
what i feel
i try not to
cut myself
u cry at night
when we get into fights
u get up then
u say more mean things
i cry at my window
at night i dont
get any sleep
i wake and be quiet cuz i
think i am a worthless be of crap
i hope to die
that night cuz
if i was dead
then u would be happy
i love u mommy
ur my mom
please hug me and
tell me that u love me
that i ma worhtful
please mommy
7
Carrie Salazar
8
all because you wanted pleasure
you pinned me down
you wouldnt stop
i cried and cried for you to stop
you just wanted your pleasure
you didnt care that you
hurt me and that i would grow up
to hate you in a way u dont understand
you just wanted to get off
all you wanted is to cum
u didnt realize that u hurt me
and you were using me
well u nknow
i really want to tell u
is to go jump off a cliff
u give me nightmaires
u wont even admit it
all because u wanted ur pleasure
Carrie Salazar
9
be there
i know what i want but
it seems like the world is stopping me
i try to do what oyu want me to do
however it doesnt always turn out that way
trying to keep from being in over my head
i pray but hav eno words
so i jsut sit here in your presence
lord im on my knees help me
i am waery stregnen me
carry me cuz ican go no further
save me from the mess i am in
lord i commit my life to you
my life is in your hands
you hav emy trust
so do what you have yo
just be there when i need
you
Carrie Salazar
10
calling out you
lord i call out to you
i cant do this
its hurts too much
why lord do i keep going through this
i cant hold on anymore
i am going to fall
lord catch me
hold me in your arms
lord resuce me
for i know if i go out on my own
i will mess up your plans
lead me in your presence
here i ma wanting to be with you
for your love to fill me
lord here i am at your feey
here i am calling out to you
Carrie Salazar
11
can we
everyday its the same
its never different
i dont know y
i expect \it to be different
i want it to be diiferent
i want it to be
as though we
are alright and not borken
but we are broken
each of us
we try to hide it
we dont it coming out
why do we do that
we act as though we
are fine as though
we can do it ourself
but can we
can we be broken
falling into peices adn
still do it our self
Carrie Salazar
12
Change
under the stars i think of this past year
of how i have change of how my life has changed
u see it may not seem like much at the moment but
when looking back everything has changed
from fighting with my mom to stayin in
the hospital with her every single time she was in them
from wanting to die every night to thanking god i was still living
from moving out and not wanting to come back home
to moving back in and everything being ok
in one year a whole life can be changed
so basically enjoy the moment
wether happy or sad
wether death or life
cause in a year u and ur life will
be somehow changed
Carrie Salazar
13
Crashing
though i smile
im crying out inside
i try to make it seem like
everything is fine
i draw back into my shell
to hide and escape
to keep my heart from breaking any more than it has
to not have to deal with things
my life is crahsing
and i cant pick up the broken peaices
i dont know what to do
lord i need your help
my eyes are stained from crying
my heart hurts
im tired and weary
im so confused
lord please help me
im cryingout to you
carry me out of this
stuff that i am in and cant get out
Carrie Salazar
14
Daddy
I pray for you every day
I pray that you will be saved
I don’t want you to go to Hell
but that is where you are headed
O Lord please save my daddy
He is a good daddy he
just isn’t saved
open his heart
I remember you braiding my hair
when I was real little
I remember you making beans
and me eating them on the floor.
Lord don’t let him go to hell
please, please open his heart
he is getting older and weaker
please God I love him.
Daddy I love you
please open up ur heart
Daddy don’t go to hell
Daddy listen to God.
Carrie Salazar
15
Daddy, stop drinking
daddy, please stop drinking
daddy i dont like it when u drink
daddy, ur not ur self when u drink
daddy dont drink
daddy dont go back
to drinking
daddy you were doing
fine jsut dont drink agian
dady ur everthing to me
it anymore just please stop
daddy i love you
but please stop drinking
daddy dont drink
do it for ur
3 beautiful kids
and ur beautiful wife
daddy just dont drink
and we will be ok
i promise
just dont drink
daddy please
stop drinking
daddy please
daddy i love you
Carrie Salazar
16
do u really mean it
you say u love me
but do u really?
you say u want to be with me forever
but is it really true?
i mean wat i say
when i say i love u
i mean i love u
when i say i want to be wi\th u i mean it
i dont know wat to think anymore
u want me one day but u want another
girl the next
it makes me feel like
i will never be the one
who truly has ur heart
so do u really mean it
when u say u love me
or you want to be
with me? ? ? ? ?
Carrie Salazar
17
Do you
do you know
waht your looking for
in this life?
do you belive
in god or do
you just not care
do u live ur life
to the fullest potenitlal
or yourself
do u long be
heard to be
something jsut somthing in this life
do you have an
empty place in ur
heart that never fills
do u long to
be acceppted for who
you really are
do you even
thinkg about this
stuff ro do you
try to not thik about
it becuz it does give u an
empthy feeling that jsut never
goes away.
Carrie Salazar
18
Do you really love me?
do you love me?
i dont mean
do you lust after me i mean truly.
would you love me no matter what?
what if i couldnt be with you?
woud you still love me?
what if our plans dont work out?
would you still love me?
what if its a couple more years
would you say good-bye or
would you be there?
would you still love me after that?
if everything went wrong
what would happen to us?
right now is there even
a chance for us?
i love you i truly do
i do lust for you but
no matter what i
would still love you?
but the question is
do we both love
each other like we
say we do? ? ? ?
Carrie Salazar
19
dont do this
As I watch and listen I now
understand how all my friends felt
I pray hard for you as I watch
I try to stop u but u wont listen.
please stop it wont help
please don’t let me be the reason
I am sorry
live your life don’t do this
I cry my eyes out when I watch
I keep thinking that I did this to you
that I pushed you
if I never met you
I would never have hurt you.
So please
don’t.
Don’t waste your life because of me
I am sorry that I hurt you
just don’t do this
you almost died
I am scared to death for you
(bad chose of words o yea this part is not in the poem)
please don’t try it again
I love you so don’t do this
no matter what you are my heart.
Carrie Salazar
20
Enduring
enduring is the hardest thing
when all around you
there is pain and hurt
and you're the one hurting
enduring, its a little word
with a super big meaning
if only you can endure
you can be what u want
if only if you can endure
this one moment then you can
endure the next moment
when all around life is crashing
life seems to go up and down
when it goes down is
when we have trouble trusting
God about life
enduring if only if only
enduring through all the hurt
is for me the hardest thing
but im stronger than i think i am.
Carrie Salazar
21
finaly
i finally see
why some things happen
it hurts when it happens
but it on; y make me stronger
i finally found an answer
to a question that
i hav ewondered for a long time
i realize i really didnt need
an answer
i was just too eager
to find the answer
i thank you my savior
lord you are all i desire
i love you lord
your're my everything
you stregnthn me
whne i am weak
its all for you tath i live
Carrie Salazar
22
god if ur here help me
wat do i do
i feel as though i am nothing
i dont want to feel anymore
i want to cut
to bleed out everything
god if u here please help
i cant do it
i cant go on
i cant handle all this pain
if ur real please do something
i dont want to do this anymore
i cant so god if ur here i need u
i want to not feel the pain any more
i want to cut
i cant do this anymore
i feel hopeless
like noone cares
i have noone
so god if u r god
then help cuz i need
to feel like i worth someting
and to not feel this pain anymore
Carrie Salazar
23
Goodbye baby
its hard to hear u say u love me
its hard to listen to ur sorry
its hard to keep tryin and tryin
i dont know if i can
i dont think i can forgive you
i dont think i love u anymore
i miss hearing ur voice
i miss ur kisses
i miss u callin me ur princess
but i need to move on
i need to find someone
who wont hurt me like u did
i need to find someone who
will always be there for me
who will truly acept me for me
this is one of the hardest things ive done
i dont want to give u up
but i have to for my sanity
i will miss you
i will always have sum feelings for u
i hope u have the greatest life ever
Good bye baby....
Carrie Salazar
24
he knows
when all i am is cring out
i hold it in and fake a smile
only one nos
only one cares
ive hid all
trying to cover it up
wishingit never happened
only he knows
only he understans
everything is spinning out of control
i dk(dont know) if i can hold on
wanting time to think
it feels like im alone
he knows and understands it all
he knows it all
whne i im hurt or happy
he understands
why somethings happen
even when i dont
he is always there with me
god knows
Carrie Salazar
25
help
is this the way its supposed to be
life is getting worse
i have been face with everything i feared
i have delt with many things that have wnet wrong in my childhood
but i know i havent dealt with soem things
could that be the reason why i am going through hell
i am scared of dealing with it
for i know that it will affect people
so what do i do
i need ur(your) help
i am so messed up
dont let me fall
i know that oyu will be here and help me
you arent going to let me fall cuz
my life is in your hand
Carrie Salazar
26
I am leaving
i cant stand u
i am sick of your crap
why are u acting like this
y do u act like u dont want me anymore
i love u but
i dont want to
live with u anymore
i hate the way it is
why do u do the things u do
why do u pull stunts
like u do all the time
why cant we get along
ur my mom
i love u but
i hate the way things are
i want to leave
u treat me like crap
like i am no one
and u maek me feel like
that i am no one that i am a stupid peaice of crap
why do we not get along
u say u love me
but u act llike i iam
some stupid peice of crap
and u tell me that i am
so i am leaving i
am leaving soon
cuz i cant stand it at home anymore
i love u bye
Carrie Salazar
27
i cant do this anymore
i cant do this
anymore
i quit fighting with you
i hate the way things
u have it the way
you want it now
i am not going to
say anything anymore
u made it this way
u blame it on me
but u are not
taking responsiblilty
i cant do this
or i am going to bust
and i am not going to this
i cant do this
i cant stand this
i quit
Carrie Salazar
28
I dont know what i feel
i feel very alone
in this world
i feel so confused
in they way i live
i feel.....
i dont know how i feel
except that i have this feeling
that something is wrong and that i am not okay
i cant pray
i have no words
i am doing so many things
wrong that i dont know what is what
so what do i do
just pretend that i am
happy and perfect
and that i understand what is going on
i am alone in the way i feel
i am alone in my head
i am alone because
the person i want isnt here.
Carrie Salazar
29
I find
i find myself
making lots of mistakes
making more mistakes
than i should
i find myself
sitting and thinking
is this right
is my life right
i find myself
holding in everything
when i am supposed
to give them to god
i find myself
asking god to forgive me
for holding things in
adn making mistakes
i find god
forgives everyhting
that his mercy is
more than i can imagnine
i find that
everything i go through
it makes me stronger
i find that
god is the
most improtant
and always will be
i find that
everyday i get
closter to finding
my wings and flying
Carrie Salazar
30
i have sinned
im sry god for what i did
i no it was wrong
but i wanted to do it
please forgive me
lord u r my only hope
to ever be...
u r my hope
u r my everything
lord i no i messsed
up and i did it
but will you for give me
i know that if i ask
u will and now
i am asking from the
bottom of my heart
God Please Forgive
Me For I Have
Sinned Against You...
Thank You For Forgiving Me
Lord I love u
for u r awesome
and a merceiful God
u r my king
Carrie Salazar
31
i love you but you got to go
you ruined my trust
its your fault that you messed up
u made a mistake own to it
i love u still but
i cant stand by u on this
u hurt to many people
you cant stay here anymore
you need to go
go somewhere that is better
we all love you
but u hurt us
why did u do it is what comes to my mind
i love you
without you this past year
i wouldnt have made it
thank you for everything
but its time for you to leave
i love you still
Carrie Salazar
32
i miss you
I miss you
I wish you were here
I wish I could see you
I wish I could be with you
I love you so much
I do want to be with you baby
You are my everything
You are my life
I’m sry for doing
For what I said
I meant what I said but
I do love you I just need some boundaries.
I want us to be
With each other
But there has to be some
Boundaries with us
I know u say I
Light up ur life
So if I do then u should
Be fine with a few rules.
I do really miss
I think of you
All the time while
I do things
Baby, I miss you! ! ! !
And I love you!
Carrie Salazar
33
i need u
lord i need u
im in over my head
take my burdens from me
and give me your easy yoke
i pray
i cant do this on my own
so i call out yo you lord
for u are my only hope and desire
you are all i am
change my heart o lord
make me the way you want me yo be
guide me in all i doo
help me be what you need yme to be
lord meet me here
i need oyur presence
lord here iam with
my herat open
i lay my self at your feet
lord i ask if you will lead me
cuz i cant do it on my own
without you i amnothing
Carrie Salazar
34
if i were different would u love me
would you love me more
if i was more likfe my older sis.
would u accept me then
would u treat me better
would u love me if
i were different
if i werrent me
then would u care abouot me
u act like u hate me
u act like if i were
somone else then u
would love me
y is it like this
y do u treat my sisters
better than me
i jsut want u to love me for me
just love me for me
and i will be happy
im sry if im
not the daughter u wanted
if i wre differnt would
u love me more
or would u treat me
like u do, some peice of trash
Carrie Salazar
35
I'm Sorry
to everyone that I've hurt
to all the ones that i was unkind to
I'm sorry
to everyone who I've done wrong
to everyone who has put up with my stupididy
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for the way I acted
for being immature
for being hard
I hope that you forgive me
and that you know
i am really
Sorry! ! !
Carrie Salazar
36
is it right
is it right
4 u to say things
like that you never say
ur sry
is it right
for u to hurt
me when ur
mad at someone
is it right that
i think u hate me
by the things u say
is it right mom
is it
why is it like this
why are we constaly fighting
is it right that we are fighting
is it right for me
2 belive that im a
worhtless 'dog'
is it right that
i love u anyway
is ti right that secertly
u mean everything 2 me
is it right for
me to hatre it there
but love it
when ur not like this
so is it right mom? ? ?
Carrie Salazar
37
is it worth us anymore
i love u
the whole world is
tearing us apart
it takes everything i
have just 2 talke 2 u anymore
we were so much in love
what happened
we have been through
so many things together
but its so hard anymore
i dont to say
goodbye when i get to say hi
i can keep not talking or
seeing you.
is it worth it anymore
do we still love each other
as much as we did
is it worth everything
we are going to have to face
Carrie Salazar
38
Is this my fault?
am i the reason
why this happened?
is it all my fault
if i want here
would it have happened
o lord forgive
me if i did something wrong
o lored i am sry
please forgive me
for what i did do wrong
mommy im sry
if i did it
mommy forgive me
for what i said
and for what i did
did i do this
is this my fault
if it is im sry everyone
i didnt mean to
do anything wrong
Carrie Salazar
39
love sucks
love is good
sometimes love sucks
right now love freakin sucks
love used to be good
love is what i saw in ur eyes
and heard in ur voice
i still see it
but now its covered
by the world
i love u
and always will
i know u love me
but right now
it feels like
u put a freakin
knife in my heart and twisted
i cut and i cut
just to feel the physical pain
i hate this
but i love u
Carrie Salazar
40
Maybe ur right
u make me feel
like i dont
matter to anyone
maybe your right
maybe your right
about everything you say
maybe i am worthless
maybe i am nothing
maybe i need to leave so ya'll can be happy
maybe i am crap
that has never mattered
to anyone in the wourld
i feel like i am nothing
like i should leave
like i am worhtless
i wished you wold
accept me 4 me
maybe ill never be good enough 4 that
maybe i should
jsut die or
leave and not come back
then u would be
happy and yall can
be the family with out me the way u want
ill never be
good enough 4
yall
Carrie Salazar
41
Mommy and Daddy
mommy and daddy
please stop fighting
stop aruging
please get along
mommy adn daddy
stop making us
chose please
we dont want to chose
mommy and daddy
we love you
both the same
ur our parents
mommy and daddy
please stop fighting
the way you have been
and plaese stop bringing us into it
mommy and daddy
dont get a divorce
ya'll love each other
we all know it
mommy and daddy
jsut stop fighting
and get along and then
we can be a happy family
Carrie Salazar
42
not understood
noone understands me.
Understands why I cut
why I struggle not to cut
noone understands why.
Why is because of all the pain
that I don’t want to deal with
why? Cuz I sometimes hate the way my life is
cuz of al the stress.
I get told that one day I will go to far
they don’t get that
I don’t want to die
I want to end the pain.
Its so hard for them 2 understand
they keep bringing up that I am a Christian
but they don’t get that its so hard to quit
that its all I known for over 2 years
I hate what i do
but it sometimes what I resort to
is it so wrong to do it?
Even though I am Christian.
Carrie Salazar
43
nothing new
its nothing new for u to rag on me
its nothing new for me to pretend like it don't hurt
its nothing new for me to start shutting down without any one noticing
so why do u rag on me
why cant u be happy with who i am
why cant u see i try to my best
its nothing new
its always the same
but why cant i just get used to it
why cant i forget what u say
why cant i believe in myself
why can i not trust myself
its nothing new to me
its nothing new to you
its always going to be like this.
Carrie Salazar
44
please little sister stop
Please little sister stop
I cant believe this.
Its my fault
if I would never had done it
she wouldn’t even know what it is
I cant believe that I
open this in my family
if I would have never done
it then it would have ever been thought of.
How could I do this.
How could I ever let my
little sister do this.
How could I be the one who she knows who does it.
Why did I ever cut
why did I have to be so stupid
why did I do it when
I know she looks up to me.
How could I fail my
own little sister
how could I not even see.
How could I not have known
I am sorry,
if I would have known
I would have never ever
ran that razor blade across my flesh.
Please stop please
listen to me,
its not worth it
its not worth ruining ur life over.
Carrie Salazar
45
please say u love me
mommy u hurt me
u hurt me when u
say that im horrible
mommy am i really
that terrible
am i a mistake
am i worhtless
moomy im sry
i hurt u im
sry that im not
a good daughter
im sry that
ur not proud of
me im sry
that ur ashamed of me
mommy i love u
i need u
please say you
love me and that
im yours
mommy please say u love me
Carrie Salazar
46
Realizing that I'm doing wrong
looking up at the night sky,
i wander what is this life about
what i am doing
what is missing and wrong in my life
then i realize that i am not
living the way i should be
im doing things i shouldnt
be doing and not caring
i realize that i need to
get back to the place i was
grow even more
i need to pray
lord i am soory
please forgibe me
for all i have done
lord please take me back
lord change my heart
change the way i live
the way i talk jsut change
everything that doesnt represent u in me
lord let me be one of ur
children, let me be one
of your daughters who do good
for ur kingdom
thank u my father
for taking me back
when i know i dont derserve it
u r turly a great god.
Carrie Salazar
47
Remembering
i remember what happened
in front of people you say that its not ture
but you know its true
i see it in your eyes
i remember what you did to me
each time i remember
i know if you had a chance
you would have gone farther
sometimes i wander if
you did go farther and
that i just blocked it out
i honestly dont konw if you did or didnt
i always wondered why
why u did it to me
why u wont admit it
why did u ever think of it
sometimes i wish i could
make you pay
since u havent payed
but its wrong for me to think that
i forgive you
but you hurt me
you were like
a borther to me
so can i ask
why? ? ?
why did you do it?
Is it because it happened to you
Carrie Salazar
48
Run Or Stay
can we go back to a time that we treated each other the best
can we get back to the time when things were fine
can we get forgive each other for the wrong doing we did
do you miss the way it was
do you like it this way
do you want it to change
what are we going to do
should we try
should we run
did we want it to be like this
can we turn this around
we been wrong for so long
we let things get to far
there is only two choices
we need to pick
we nee to be sure its what we want...
so what do we do...
run or stay.........
Carrie Salazar
49
save me
i'm broken and crying
i ask knowing if i'm going to get an answer
i don' understand
i need your help
i'm crying out to you
you're the only one that can save me
so take care of me
i'm so cunfused
i feel lost and alone
i'm heavy burdened
so i lay them down at your feet
so please save me from this place i'm in
o graceful lord
i need you
i need to fall into your love
Carrie Salazar
50
silver blade
She slams and locks her door.
She blares her music.
She starts crying.
She screams “why doesn’t she love me”
She is hurting and confused.
All she wanted is to hear her mom say I love you.
Am I that bad to never be loved?
Did I do something so wrong?
She questions herself.
She reaches under her bed.
Grabs the silver blade.
I deserve this.
She cries scarlet tears.
Blood pours from her arms and thighs
She thinks am I ever going to be good enough?
Am i ever going to be good enough for her?
Carrie Salazar
51
sometimes
sometimes i wander
why i love u
then i find my self
thinking more and more about u
i dont know what it is going on
between us
but all i care about
is us and how i love u
we have and are going
to have struggles becasue
of everything that is between us
but sometimes its jsut good
to be in ur arms
and feel ur warm lips on mine
and some times its good
to feel and hear ur hear beat
sometimes its good
to hear ur voice saying
u love me
Carrie Salazar
52
still here and healing
through all the things
that happened
you were still here
even through it got horrible
u were there
you never left
it amazes me
through all our turmoil
u stayed and never let us go
after people got hurt
u healed us
after all the insults
u brought us together
lord i thank u
for bringing us together again
and healing our hurts
u stayed and carried
us thorugh u
healed and brung
us closer it all happened
you are a loving god
Carrie Salazar
53
STOP PLAYING GAMES
I feel like i'm
soffication within myself
i feel like im about
to burst wide open
i am sick of this
im sick of your
stupid childish games
im sick of u actiong this way
u think u can
just play these games
and aterwards everything will be ok
WELL THEY WONT! !
stop acting like ur a child
and grow up and take
care of ur kids or
u wont have any
stop creating drama
when u have enough
drama in ur life
for everyone in the world
what do u wnat from me
to be miserable just
becuz u r doesnt
mean i or anyone else has to be
mom, its time u
got over this 'game'
and got serious about
our family problems
ur going to lose me
for good soon, because
i dont know if i
can forgive u
so either u
straighten this out
OR GOODBYE
ADIOS, HAVE A GOOD LIFE! ! ! !
Carrie Salazar
54
stronger
i cant do this
it hurts way too much
why does my life keep getting messed up?
i try and try but it jsut does
i'm in the corner
crying spilling everything out
help lord intervine
cuz i cant do it on my own
save me from this place
bring me into your love
carry me out of this awful postion
be here for me cuz i need u
let these circumtances
, ake me stronger in my faith
and let me have more trust in you
growing in you is what is important.
Carrie Salazar
55
take me back
turn me around
take me back
to the place where
you want me
lord for give me
4 everything ive done
and for everything i will
do in the future
lord take me back
im sry for
what i done
these past few weeks
lord i thank you
4 taking me back and
forgiving me and 4
being there when i need you
even when i think
i'm alon you
are there with me
no matter what!
Carrie Salazar
56
tired
Im tired of fighting
I feel as I cant go on
im so hurt and broken
my soul is tired
I try and try but
all I do is fail
do I keep trying
or do I give up for good?
So what do I do
do I quit
or do I fight
so what do I do?
Im so tired of fighting
of trying 2 be everything for my parents
of trying not 2 cut my self when I feel stress
I just tired of fighting.
Carrie Salazar
57
too much?
i messe up so
i get on my knees
to pray forgiveness
scared cu maybe
i messed up too much this time
why did i do it when
i knew it was wrong
i regret every moment of it
but i didnt at the time
so i pray harder
scared that i wont be forgiven
i am sorry for what i did
if i knew the consequenses
i would never had done it
i shouldnt of done it at all
why is it that i get ot be fine
then i mess up
did i do it too much this time? ?
Carrie Salazar
58
Treat me like when u used to
baby, i love you
i would do anything for you
but i sick of you treating me
like all i am is ur toy
i love it when you are
the sweet guy who i fell head heels for.
i love it when u treat me like
i am your everything
i know you that u need what u need
but that doesnt mean treat
me like u do at times
treat me like u used to
i know u love me
and care about me
or u wouldnt put up
with me or any of my stuff
i jsut need to be treated
like u do really love me
i need to be the
everything of your life like u are mine
Carrie Salazar
59
Trigger
She packs her things.
She leaves the gun on the table.
She looks at all the pictures.
Is this worth it she thinks?
Do I really want to do this?
She will miss him.
He is with another girl.
He is sleeping with her.
He wouldn’t even notice
She picks the gun up
She puts a bullet in it.
Will she shoot herself?
What does she have left?
He took it all.
She will miss him always.
She can’t take it anymore.
She picks up the gun and
Puts it in her mouth.
Dear lord please forgive me
For I have sinned please accept as ur child
Forgive him please lord make sure they know I love them.
Thank u
She then pulls the trigger
Carrie Salazar
60
untitled
We lost it all.
We had come so close.
But now we have nothing
I want to tell u
I am sorry
I love u
I want to tell u
I will never trust u again
U hurt me
Can I forgive u
I don’t think I can.
I am sorry.
We talked hours and hours
I had opened up to u
Finally we started having that mother daughter relationshiop
What happened.
Questions are rising up in me
Though I will never ask
Still they are there
I want to forgive u
To be home with you
But I cant
I am sorry
I love you mother
Goodbye for now.
Carrie Salazar
61
Was it all a lie?
you said you loved me
was it a lie?
you said you would be there
was that a lie to?
you said you were always going to be there
was that another one of your lies?
you said i was your everything
let me guess another lie?
you said you would keep me safe no matter what
i belive that is a lie to right?
What wasnt a lie?
did you lie to me about everything?
all i wanted is to be with you
you never believed me
you said i was the lier
and all along you have been the one
that has been lying
so was it all a lie?
Carrie Salazar
62
was it worth it
was it worht it when u
betrayed my trust
was it worth you
losing me forever
u did it
its ur fault
dont try 2 blame
it on someone else
all i can think
is wh y you could have done it
and why did u betray
me in the process
was it worth it
did u enjoy it
i hope u did
because u will never ever
get me again
WAS IT WORTH IT? ! ?
Carrie Salazar
63
We both want each other back
u want me back
in ur arms
i want to be back
in ur arms
im scared that what
happen is going ot happen again
baby, if it happens again
im through with us....
babe, i want to run
please dont let me run
i dont want ot leave
btu i will if i have to
u say u love me
but do u mean it
u say u would do anything for me
but will u if u had to
i miss u
u miss me
i want u
u want me
are u going ot
hur tme again
am i going to hurt
u the way i did
i miss the way u
call me ur princess
i miss the
u cared 4 me when i needed it
baby, tell em u
wont hurt me
tell me u do care adn
hold me safetly in ur arms.-
Carrie Salazar
64
we hunger for u
here we are to worship you
we ask that you feel us
we need your holy presence in our midst
we love you with our whole hearts
lord we desire you
make us whole
fill our hunger and thisrt
let oyur grace fall lord
we need your spititual food and water
so we dont go thirsty or hungry
lord we desire you
lord we praise you
Carrie Salazar
65
We worship you
o thank you precious lord
i praise thee
how wonderful thou are
you are the great I AM
you we worship
i love thee
you'll always be the wonderful lord.
lord you we admire
for you are the greatest one
we need thee every moment
so come down and fill us we plead
for we love you always
we bouw down
at your feet to worship you
your are my savior my god
for i love worshipping yu
Carrie Salazar
66
What is it u want
What is it u want
do u want me 2 leave?
do u want me 2 stay
out of your life forever?
do u want me gone
so bad that u wuld put me in juvie
do wnat me to jsut leave
so u can be happy
do u hate who i am that much
do u want me to change so
u can be happy?
do u not love me for me
What is it u want from me
i cant do this anymore
im tired of fighting with u
its not wort wat it is doing
So wat is that u want?
Carrie Salazar
67
when i
whe i am
messing up
ur there waiting
for me to ask forgivenss
when i am
alone and scared
you are there
helping me get through my fair
wehn i am
confused and broken
you are there
wheni ingoure you
you are stil there waiting
when i curs you
youare still there
when i ingonore you
u are still tehre and waiting
when i feel like
i am nothing
you make mefeel
like your child as i am
when i feel
like quiten and given up
you give me the
streighn to go on
Carrie Salazar
68
which one will u be
what do u do when
u see an abused child
do u just sit there
or will u be that childs hero
will u be the one
who lets it happen
then 1 day decied to help
but then its to late
or will u be
the one who helps
by doing something
about it now
please be the 1
who helps now
dont let an innceide child
die because of ur pride.
save a kids life
please help i am sick
and tired of kids dying
cuz o fpeople beating them
so please be a kids angel
and if u see some 1 hurting
help them and pray about it
Carrie Salazar
69
why
i sit here and
wait as life goes on
trying to figure out why
why things happen
why my life is so messed up
i search and still no answers
do i really need to know
or do i just need the reaasurence
that things are the way they
are supposed to be
as i sit here thinking
maybe its ok not knowing
maybe if i knew i would try to get out of it
so i guess i have to put my trust in you
and have faith in you
Carrie Salazar
70
why aren't you here
its all coming down
i cant stand the pain
i fear if i cry i would not stop
is my life crashing down before my eyes
i force myself to say im okay
but im not
im so confused in all i do
im tangled in a mess and i cant get out
ive hit rock bottom
it feels like the end
i feel like im lost
im looking fot the anwers
but i cant find a single one
i gave my life oyu
so why is it that
i feel like your not here
your're supposed to be here always
why do i hurt like i do
i feel like im in over in my head
u said u would never give me something i couldnt handle
so why is it like this
Carrie Salazar
71
you choose
i dont get
y you continue
to drink and drink
you know that
if you do drink then
you will have 2 leave
u no that
if you drink to much
u may die
y do u still drink
do u want to lose us
do u want to die
u lied to me
about u drinking
y did you do that
did you need to
tell a lie so that
u could continue to drink w\out us noing
we knew that u did
u stucnk of it
your breath smelt like it
u tried to denyt it
but u couldnt
i new the truth
if drinking is more
important than ur faimily
then dont come back.
we need someone sober
someone we can trust
when we know that
we need you
bakc the person
you were before this
Carrie Salazar
72
You said you loved me
why did you do this?
i fell in love with you
with you i felt i was
supposed to be there, lke i belonged
i love you
this isnt fair.
why did i have to fall in love with u
y did u hurt me
i just wanted u to love me
u said u did and
u were going to take care of me
that u wouldnt let anything happen to me
y did u hurt me
y did u say u loved me?
when u didnt mean it
why did u do this
u were my heart my soul
i trusted u more than any1
i planed to be with u
for the rest of our lives
u sadi u love me
u said i was ur princess
u said u wanted to be with me
why did u say u love me and u not mean it?
Carrie Salazar