Poetry Series
Eva L. Shaw
- poems -
2
Eva L. Shaw (July 6,1950)
I am a woman who loves life. Being raised on an ON farm gave me a
perspective of creation, life and death. Enduring a chronic and potentially
fatal childhood illness brought discipline and gratefulness. My husband
teaches severely handicapped children and my two children teach music. I
am a family therapist. As a mature student I graduated with a Doctorate in
Counselling at the age of 48. Music, writing, poetry, gardening, helping
others and my faith in God create my purpose,
Works:
My Memoirs and a Manual for Christian Counsellors for Adult Survivors of
Childhood Sexual Abuse are being written at this time.
3
A Gracious Miracle
A young mother one day,
Knelt by her son's bedside
The doctor told her that he would likely die,
The little body was so still lying in that bed
All alone in anguish she prayed.
Jesus, touch this little one,
Yes, He needs your touch just now
Make him well, make him whole and make him alive,
And Jesus smiled another smile and He touched my little boy,
He made him well, He made him whole he made him alive.
And so I thank you today
For that Holy touch from above.
For answering prayer, answering prayer,
Yes, answering my prayer.
And as I watch my little boy play,
Run and shout about today,
I thank you Lord, I praise you Lord,
I need you Lord.
Jesus touch someone today,
Yes, someone needs your touch just now-
Make them well, make them whole and make them alive
And Jesus will smile another smile
And He will touch your heart and soul
He'll make you well, make you whole
And make you alive.
Thank you, Lord.
Eva L. Shaw
4
A Nightmare Revealed
Innocence, innocence
Destruction, destruction
Betrayal, betrayal
Love, unloved
Confusion, confusion
Incest-abuse.
To trust people, to love someone
To be harmed, black, feathers,
Candles-death
Little child, torture, pain
Outside humiliation, inside destruction
One become two, two become three
Survival-oh the pain
Survival-fear-torture
Must I do this, yes I must, there's no choice
Three, four, push it back, push it back.
Mother, father, trust, no trust,
Oh those visits, family tradition,
What is truth? What is truth?
Many, many, more and more -questions.
Future question, future trials,
Help me, help me,
What is love, where is love,
Help my confusion, earn my respect, help me love,
Tell it, tell it, oh for you, oh for you.
Eva L. Shaw
5
A Reflection
There once was a child
Filled with play,
Joyous and happy,
Beaming with light.
The world became dark.
For years a bleak place.
Sad and neglected,
A sad, sorry sight.
As years came and went,
Troubled tumultuous and growth -
The happy little girl
Wanted to be part
Of the woman's life now.
But, still rejected by all,
Hide her we don't want her -
Be adult - we like you sad.
I won't hide I will be seen
One day to the world
And those who could have seen
Will regret not sharing
That little girl's life.
In reflection, I see her now.
Eva L. Shaw
6
Am I Dreaming
When I first saw you
All I could do was giggle
Is this for real, or a dream?
Does the colour beige mean anything?
Does the smile?
What about the walk and
How about the sunshine?
Conversation, no words were enough
Is this for real? Then,
Life made a call
A plan had been made
That could not be changed
Is this for real?
The return and connection
Stronger than before
All became a reality
With flowers at my door.
Arms wide open
Sweetness to behold
Gentleness so timely
Quiet love at my door.
Love so amazing
Love so very strong
Is this for real? For,
If it is a dream, I
Wish to never wake up.
No, it is true, yes it is true
Love in its best kind
Happened that day!
Eva L. Shaw
7
Charity
Faith, Hope and charity,
Faith, hope and charity,
Faith hope and charity,
But the greatest of these is
Charity.
Sometimes our faith is so strong, yes so strong,
He moves mountains out of our way,
But, Paul tells us we will surely fail,
Without charity, yes, charity is Christ.
We all need hope and have it in Him,
He is our hope every day,
But God's Word tells us that
Charity is love,
Yes, charity, charity is love.
We can prophesy, have knowledge and be so wise,
Help the poor with our wealth,
We can be a martyr and bear our load,
But, we need charity for charity never fails.
So, love your neighbour, love your enemy,
Help the despised and be kind,
Sincere love is felt without a word,
We need love for charity is love,
Yes,
Charity, charity is love.
Eva L. Shaw
8
Decisions
Here I sit in the sunshine contemplating.
Soon a decision will have to be made.
I see the cross-road ahead
Coming closer and closer.
Do I turn, or do I walk on?
I pray for guidance to
Choose the way.
The Bible is my road map,
Jesus said'I walk with you'
'I will guide you'
Trust me in the present
For the future when it comes
Will be My will for you
And, you will know.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and
Lean not unto thine own understanding
In all thy ways acknowledge Him
And He shall direct thy path.
I weigh it in my wisdom,
Speak to elders who have more
I question and oh how I question
The effects on many lives will happen
This is overwhelming to me
Procedure dictates the rules
And so I guess we will see.
So, Lord guide this process
Bring your will to me
For, what can I do without you?
Your will be done now and forever
Let me be your hands, feet, ears and eyes,
To work as you worked on this earth
With compassion, trust and gentleness
Lord, reflect these through me, and
The decision will be made.
With praise, love and thanksgiving
Amen
Eva L. Shaw
9
Friendship
Jesus is the giver of life in troubled times,
He shows me the way that I must go,
He's always there to help me if I only ask,
He's the best friend I could ever have.
He's the best friend,
He's the best friend,
He's the best friend,
I could ever have.
There are times in this old earth
When He seems far away,
I know this is me and
I must go to Him
He's not so far away
If I only ask
He's the best friend
I could ever have.
At times when I can't even find the words to say,
He sends a friend to help me on my way,
Each time I need a helping hand He sends someone,
To show me He's my friend and He's my stay.
So be a friend to someone
Who needs you today
Let Christ shine through your life to them
They need your love from
Christ above, whatever their state
Just love them and
Show them He is their friend.
Just love them, Just love them,
Just love them and
Show them He is their friend,
Just love them, Just love them,
Just love them and
Show them He is their friend.
Eva L. Shaw
10
From My Heart to Yours
I sit and wonder and wait for
You, my friend.
Feeling compassion and excitement for
You, my friend.
You are a wonderful person
With an adventuresom spirit,
I sit and wonder and wait.
Amazed - I dream
I wonder and wait,
Where are you my friend, where are you?
Do you hear me, do you feel my prayers?
My eyes want to see deep into your spirit,
Please, come to me.
Come and bring your spirit
As only you can do.
So, where are you?
When will I know?
What will you say?
How will you be?
I want to hear the stories
The wonder of it all, because
I know, Cambodia has changed your life,
Forever.........
Eva L. Shaw
11
Hope
As I walked down life's pathway all alone
I met a friend called Jesus on the way
I asked Him to come into my heart and live within
And I would love Him, yes love Him, forevermore.
The path was narrow, the path was straight, the path to home
He was guiding me on the rough uneven road
I was trusting, ever trusting in my Lord
As I walked down life's pathway I wasn't alone.
The way is sometimes weary
And the way is sometimes hard
The way is always exciting
Because I am trusting in His way
As I let Him lead me on
Ever trusting, ever loving
He's leading me home.
One day He said to me, 'You need to walk on in My way
Will you serve me, will you trust me forevermore? '
Then He said, ' I will lead and not just guide
Step by step ever trust me, I must lead.'
The way was sometimes weary, and
The way was sometimes hard
The way was always exciting
Because I was trusting in His word.
The way was His way
As I let Him guide me on
Ever trusting, ever loving
He is leading me home.
Eva L. Shaw
12
I Love You
I met a fifty six year old Persian man
We had many wonderful hours of talking together
On going our separate ways,
He parted by saying, 'I love you'.
Strangers but one in spirit and in truth
Sharing words of kindness one heart, together
Lives so different but one in spirit
I will always remember, 'I love you'.
Eva L. Shaw
13
Imagine!
Imagine-
A newly developed butterfly
Has just come out of the cocoon
It is sitting on a leaf drying
It's wings and it must flutter
Until strength comes to it.
Imagine-
It flies close to the leaf, for
Security in it's weakness,
Taking time to recover the
Long growth in a safe place.
Waiting, and working, with patience
Imagine-
Strength comes and so for
A time it sits and then it flies
But, wait, now, there are two
Another butterfly, comes and they
Experience freedom and flying together.
Think about this-
Someone once said, 'If love is a choice,
Who would choose such exquisite pain', but
Love is only painful if one chooses not to give it.
Real pain is never experiencing true love.
Experience freedom-love as a butterfly loves.
Eva L. Shaw
14
My Walk Along the River
I walked and talked with you today
The sun shone bright and the mountains spoke clear
The snow on the tops glistened as I watched, but
The river ran cold.
Thinking of you in a far away land
Knowing it is hot and humid and so different there
Wondering if you too are looking at the calendar
Does the river run cold?
My heart is happy but it is also sad
I walked and talked with you today
The joy in my heart is scared that
The river will run cold.
Is your heart happy, or is it sad too?
How are you remembering me, or are you?
Do you have joy in your heart that fears
The river will run cold?
My only wish for you is
Peace, Hope and Love
And the greatest of these is
Love.
Eva L. Shaw
15
Peace in the Tumult
The water ripples over the stones
The horses neigh in the pasture field
The leaves twitter in the breeze
The sun shines through the branches.
Racing, racing, my thoughts race
As the water flows quickly in the brook.
Fish are spawning
My thoughts are breaking
Feelings of rage, confusion, frustration, fear.
Alone again, no one to share
But peace in the tumult
God is peace, He has control,
He knows my need,
He will provide.
Eva L. Shaw
16
Sisters
A letter from my sister
Says 'I am your sister'-
'That cannot change'
What do these words mean?
It's not true
Psychologically not so.
I do not expect you
To understand or make sense of
The things that I say.
How could you when you
Were not even present,
How could you
As a child understand?
Why would you now
Want to recall?
Blame must go somewhere -
I cannot understand
But, as my sister-
Why could you not hear my cry?
Why did you close your eyes to my pain?
Psychologically, not so sister dear,
Lost, oh yes, lost 'tis so.
Eva L. Shaw
17
Soroptimist International
I have found friends, friends who care,
They live the whole world over.
Women who love life,
Women who are strong,
Women who help women,
Empower, empower, empower.
As a young woman, I needed
Help, encouragement and to be empowed.
I was struggling as a single mom
Working full time and oh so tired
With two children by the hand - when
The Soroptimist Training Award
Chosen, I was chosen, It was mine.
The next semester courses were paid for
With the help I received, no longer did I worry for
I completed my diploma and onward to my goal!
Working hard in social service agencies
Helping others as I could
Finally the day arrived when a Ph.D. was mine.
Thirteen years in private family counselling
Children grown and doing well
I returned to the place where it all started
To Soroptimists and I must tell -
The story of my award and the life it brought to me
Through kind and loving women
Who care when it seems there is no sign.
I am excited with each step
As I learn and go forward
Women teaching women and
Women helping women
It is my time to give
My time to empower women with
An organization I believe in.
To take on the challenges of life
Domestic violence and trafficking
So demoralizing to women and their children
Public education, important as it is
Educate all who will listen to the stats and stories told.
We all know of the hardships women endure
So, give, empower, teach, and train.
Women helping women-
Soroptimists, Soroptimists, Hurray for Soroptimists!
Eva L. Shaw
18
The Answer is Jesus
I've had people who have asked me,
Why I wear a smile,
When they know my situation,
Is hard, oh yes so hard,
And the answer to this question
Is one I need to share
For the answer is in Jesus,
He answers my prayer.
He told me I must put
My foot in His footstep,
Not to go on without Him,
Not to go too far ahead,
For He would lead me, if I'd let Him,
Thru the hard, bleak days ahead,
Ever one step, yes one step,
One step at a time.
So, you ask me why I'm smiling,
How can I wear a smile,
The answer is in Jesus,
Alone, he's leading me,
What a joy to be a Christian,
When things all seem so wrong,
To know I have a true friend,
One who gives a song.
I have hope through Christ my Savior,
He's all I'll ever need,
For He gives me peace in troubled times,
And joy beyond compare,
So the answer is in Jesus,
My help, my hope my song,
And I will love Him forever,
As I travel down life's road.
Eva L. Shaw
19
The Child No One Knew
A beautiful baby girl
Beautiful locks of golden curls
Becomes a statistic
Of childhood sexual abuse.
Life-so confusing,
Peace, love, joy,
Hate, hurt, pain - a victim
Of childhood sexual abuse.
God, Christianity, Sunday School,
Peace, love, contentment,
Teaching, learning, playing,
Acceptance, Music, God.
The wheat fields flow,
The corn fields tassel
The hay bales to be harvested
The barn full to bursting.
The cellar holds an enemy,
Little children are hurt there,
Down those steps toward torment,
Over and over again.
Grandma held the answer
But she never told a soul
Family could do no wrong
But she cried and when the child cried
She consoled.
Eva L. Shaw
20
The Harm It Does to a Life
She is a woman, plagued day by day
Told many times over
It's because of your weight.
But why are the pounds there
When she doesn't want the weight
Only to be healthy
The pounds must dissolve and go.
Well,
A beautiful little girl
Sweet as can be
Harmed and dis-respected
Confused and rejected
Grew up knowing that pleasing
Is the only way - so
The pounds must dissolve and go.
So,
Teenage years were painful
Abused and tormented
Confused and rejected
Still told she was nothing
Lose the weight and be free
The pounds must dissolve and go
Or,
You will always be nothing
But,
Why did no one ask
The question that was there
Why child, why, what is wrong child,
What?
No one asked, someone knew,
But no one dared - ask
Now,
The Dr. are saying, that the weight must go
Or, health problems will take over
And, death will occur
But, when asked the question,
And they think just too much food
It's too late for the answer
Nothing will do.
This strong empowered woman
Loves herself as she is
No one can take that away now
She won't let them in.
What is success?
Joy in living,
21
Loving oneself
Changing what one can and will
Not harming another
Helping the poor and being kind
She is successful, and she has
Shed the pounds - good-bye
Eva L. Shaw
22
The ROSE Healing - God's Design
When spring comes to us,
Scent of flowers in the air,
A tiny little rosebud,
A flower of God's design.
Perfect in His possession,
Always in His hand,
God unfolds the petals,
The secret's unknown to me,
The tiny little rosebud,
A flower of God's design,
Unfolds with perfection,
The rose in His hand.
As my life lies before me,
With it's joy and distress,
He is always near me,
Unfolding all life's petals,
The flower of His design,
Forever in His hand.
Eva L. Shaw
23
There Was A Time When
There was a time when
You asked for my heart
Reluctantly I gave it and
You crushed my soul.
Over and over again
Loving you so
Over and over you
Crushed my soul.
Past hurt in your life
Became hurt toward me
Critically wounding my
Soul, time again.
You wanted your freedom
I gave it to you
Now with another
You build a life a new.
At first I was resentful
Hateful maybe too
But, that only caused me
To build a life a new.
I learned to take the good times
There were some too
Learned our goals were different
And that our histories seeped through.
Now, I only wish you
All the best there can be,
Live life and be happy
For I am happy now too.
Eva L. Shaw
24
TORMENT
Terror, torture, memories,
Confusion, bad times, good times,
I cannot understand it.
I am loved but I feel hated,
I cannot trust myself or anyone,
A little child living in a state of torment.
Eva L. Shaw
25
Trust
There are many times in life as I wonder,
And I feel God's protection ever near,
I will never forget the times He has warned me,
So gently, never alraming, He is love.
Satan wants me to be afraid, He wants me to fear,
Ever human, I've made mistakes and I do fear,
Then the tender loving Master says, 'I love you',
Lean on Me, have no fear, I am love.
Then He gently, oh so gently surrounds me,
With compansion, I feel His perfect peace,
In my small and fragile state, He is with me,
I am strong, I have no fear, He is love.
There is a difference now in my life,
Jesus fills me with His love and abiding peace,
I want to stay close by his side and never fear,
Never fear, never fear, for God is love.
I know Jesus will always be there,
I love Him so, oh how I need Him in my life,
He enriches and fulfills my every need,
Remember, Jesus is the conqueror over fear.
Eva L. Shaw
26
Vessels
Remember the stories inthe Bible,
How Jesus took the children on His knee,
The precious little vessels of innocence,
He loved them and said come unto Me.
He tells us to be like the little children,
To come to Him and rest in His tender care,
For we are precious vessels just like children,
He loves us and says come unto Me.
Each one of us is equally important,
He needs our praise and love every day
He knows we are weak and oh so weary
Lean on Him and rest in His peace..
Precious peace of Jesus
Precious hiding place
Hope for every one of us
Lean on Him and rest in his peace.
Eva L. Shaw
27
Words and Questions
Words and Questions
puzzle - by the lakeside
sister - mine?
Do you love me mummy?
buried in the sea
I do not understand
Onward.
I am a mother
shame
blame
guilt
forgiveness
Where was God?
protection
water heals
fish
freedom
up the ladder
cats
seasons
physical
psychological
abuse
sexual abuse
disbelief
facing the fact
illness
music
faith
myself
Who am I?
This chapter is not finished.
Eva L. Shaw
28
Worthwhile
A world of make belief
Daydreaming and imagery
A fairytale childhood
With protective loving parents,
Siblings who cared
Children and -
A perfect family plan.
This world is full of hurt and pain -
To love and to be loved
Hurt and despair.
So, not to go on with
A picture of remorse and regrets.
Grieving the past, but
One day I knew that
I am worthwhile.
I will go on. I have a purpose.
The struggles are not over
But I will go on.
Searching, oh searching,
'Prostitute' rang clear
'No one will ever want you'
'Ugly, stupid, useless'.
Someone, one day,
Helped me to see
I am worthwhile.
I will go on. I have a purpose.
My dreams one day I'll see.
The memories will fade and
I will be whole,
Able to live, in spite of it.
Is there any forgiveness?
I am worthwhile.
I will go on.
I have a purpose.
I will be set free.
Eva L. Shaw
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