ALL POEMS COURTNEY REDMOND

Poetry Series
Courtney Redmond
- poems -
2
Bare White Walls
These walls sit in front of me
Bare white walls
One wall intrigues the mind
Chipping white paint
This wall calls to me
I sit and look at this wall
'What is do I seek from this wall'
This wall shows nothing yet so much
Figures move on the wall
Screams of despair erupt
Making you wonder
'What the hell? '
A figure strikes out upon me
A red glare is all I see
Looking at the figure more
Watching it's ever move
While he watches mine
Walking closer to the wall
I touch it
The figure sneers
While painful memories
Fill my mind
wars and battles
Death and despair
The figure looks and writes on the wall
'Living in this wall has made me know
That without a home the wall stands tall
No joy in the wall can be seen
But walls are for standing not for feeling.'
As the figure fades
I watch it leave
Now I'm left all alone
To stare again
At these bare white walls
Courtney Redmond
3
Change
I let go
Time had come for change
Yet of all the changes that came
No matter how big or small
The change of moving on
Just seemed so easy.
No wondering of what could of happened
Or wishing for another chance.
All I did was dropp the subject
And poof no more problem.
Relief lifted off my shoulders like boulders had been there for years
dragging my spirit and body down.
Though I still wonder how it all could have been
I can see now that change was needed to move on.
No more days of waiting
No more listening to sorrow stories of life and what it can and could be
I wish I could look back
But I know if I do it will creep back on me.
And I don’t want that to happen
No
That isn’t needed at all.
I needed change.
Courtney Redmond
4
Failure
My feet were pacing
As I ran from it all
I need to escape the pain I feel
My mind hurts from memories
I wish not to see
There is no solitude for me to feel,
Everything is clattered
I need the darkness to find me.
Living in the light has made me blind
I want to search for hope,
But how can I when
Concrete holds my feet down.
Just slipping and sliding
Along the paths of life
Nothing I do will change it
If I break it all apart
Then I chip at the aura of me
My personality will leave me
There I go again,
I’m lost in my mind
The mind, of a failure.
Courtney Redmond
5
Great GrandMother
Waiting was the start
Of all the troubles
You left me
I couldn’t believe it
God took you away
When I needed you the most
How do you explain to a six year old
The world of death and grief
The stages hit the heart
While your mind still grows
How can explaining help
Seems as though time
Just stopped for that minute
Of waiting
To hear that you were gone forever
The tears came
And the smile faded
The face scowled at happiness
Nothing could change the way I felt
Pain and heartache took over
And moved in to their home
While nothing in the days to come seemed to be
My life timbered downward
My dreams ceased
I got stuck in a hole of shame
The dirt laughed at me as I made my way up
The sticks of helpfulness
Broke as I tried to grab them
But I couldn’t get out
As my life grew dimmer
The lies continued
To cover my unhappiness
But I lost all control of my mind
The psychopath in me killed too many souls
That they lost count
It all stood on standstill
As I lost it all
But losing you
Was still the only thing
That stayed in my mind
Today your memory lives on
In my heart
Your words of wisdom still live in my head
“Don’t worry baby it’ll be alright’
And the favorite one of all
“No mater how old you are I can still beat your but
Even if I have to get on a chair and reach you”
Your legacy might not be great
Nor heard about in the world
6
But you’re still loved
My life
My love
My friend
My great grandmother
Courtney Redmond
7
I Am A Poet
I am a poet
I write my tragedies, I write my sins
For this please excuse me, for what I have written to feel again
Cry it out they say
But how do you cry when pain runs deep.
Through scars not healed, by the warm breeze.
So let me write it down so that it can all go away.
I write my happiness, I write my joys
I feel it move me like a dancer to a beat
Feel the beat?
That’s my song there playing.
So as my inspiration is my beat
I will write the happiness it is to finally feel loved
Love is what I searched for in life
But I found it in my poetry.
So my happiness is my poetry
Crossing the lines of the picture gets the artist a great recommendation
If I cross my words will I get recognized by society?
If I take my time to write about the life of me and not about my tragedies and
happiness
What would I be labeled as?
For my tragedies and happiness has made me be the young women of today
So to a final, I say let my life be known by the words I wrote.
Courtney Redmond
8
I Know You Want Me
I know you want me
Don’t lie to yourself
I see it in your eyes
Lust controls your body
As I make my way to your heart
I know you want me
But another’s in our way
We can’t kill her
So just leave her
She might have your body
But I have your heart
Come to me
And Ill show you the light
No repercussions of one night
Just love from me is all I will give
So don’t let her body play tricks on you
She never wanted you in the first place
Only a person to put her pleasure on
She doesn’t love you
Leave her alone
Before the disease hits you
I know you want
So come and get me before it’s too late
Courtney Redmond
9
I'm Done
I’m done!
I can’t do this anymore
Living life freely, and
Breathing are two different things.
No more tears can fall down this face.
But no
I’m shunned by the world
Is it because I’m not pretty enough for yours
Or anyone’s standards.
Or that I don’t weigh a size below a twenty.
What is it?
Am I too sporty for being a woman?
Does my wealth exceed yours so much?
That I scare.
Leave all the drama for your mama.
I’m standing here waiting,
For my rainy season to end.
The sun said it left for a while.
But what do I care?
The sun wont come back, nor
Will the past.
Only the future to slap me across the face
Leaving the red print of the days ahead.
I’m just done fighting the war
Between my heart and mind.
I don’t want to prove I’m worthy
When I already am.
Proving to you that I am the right girl is hard enough
But no I won’t sleep with you so I’m not important.
Screw it, so run off with the girl who will sleep with you
Cause I’m bigger then that.
You might think your keeping my rainy days here, but
They are just ending.
They might have stopped me for a while but,
I’m making it through
With God at my side,
I’m going to be done with the devil and,
And all his hellish mess.
Courtney Redmond
10
Imagine Me
Tombstones hold the value of a life,
While the grave yard spirits, walk along their roads calling out lost names of ones who
have long lived.
But a tombstone beyond the dying horizon rests upon a wrinkly old hill,
Dead oak trees lay low over the grave of this one tombstone.
This poor soul died so young.
Flowers stray around her buried body.
Many knew her as the girl next door.
But for me, I new her more then her title
She was my life.
I loved her more then any friend I had
This lost soul died before I could protect her.
I failed her.
Remembering the times we had,
Being friends and being ourselves.
Day after day school then home
Night after night it seemed to be the same thing
She cried.
Till her eyes were red and puffy,
Each day showed how hard life was.
Her father a drunk, mother was in and out of house and home.
All that was left was her brother, and her.
When June hit she said goodbye
To high school and its drama
To life, all itself.
When the drama ended so did her soul
Broken and beaten
One last breath was all that was left of her
At the end of one long string
With her song Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin playing she said goodbye.
This girl meant so much to me
But not the world
I failed her
I failed her!
This girl was me if you hadn’t noticed
I took my last breath after all life’s drama
As I lay in this earth
I hope the world will see what they have done to this broken soul
Or at least
Imagine Me
Courtney Redmond
11
In My Arms
You belong here
In my arms
Not in hers
You told everybody how much you wanted me
And how much I made you happy,
But then you turned around
And went to her
I don’t know what I did to lose you
I was just me
But I guess me wasn’t enough to keep you here
I can’t believe that you left
I guess I was not enough for you
I couldn’t give my all to you
Nor could I give you my virginity
Maybe cause I wouldn’t sleep with you is why you left
Love was all I gave
But the love of two bodies together in one bed
Is more then ones heart?
If you ever wish to be with me
I can’t say I would accept you
You would have to earn my heart again
Even though you’ve had it
Since the day you entered my arms
Courtney Redmond
12
Leters of Love
Days from now, I will be gone
Moved on with my life
And I hope you with your.
I can’t say I’m sorry for leaving you here
But you know I love you
Forever and always
I’m leaving you this letter
As a way to say I’m sorry
I never meant to leave you here all alone
But life told me to go
Maybe in the future
We will meet each other again.
And then we can be lovers forever and ever
Courtney Redmond
13
Life
Sitting by and watching
Life drifts on
Through dirt and stone
As life breaths its hollow end
We dream of silence and noises
During the time I live on this earth
I wish to change so much yet
I am one person you might say
what could you change
I can teach you some thing new, about your self that you never knew
Or preach to you, till im blue in the face
I can let you cry on my shoulder, when your having a bad day
Or give you that bear hug, that you need
I can walk a road with you as you find life
Or let you go on your own, but I cant walk it for you
I cant tell you how to be
Nor can I save you from your problems
Cause ive got my problems too.
You may say how do you have problems for you walk so proud,
I” ll say watch me enter this door when somebody I loved walked out
Scars have formed on my body from years of pain, but I lived to see another day.
My eyes have cried so many tears, that my bed should be an ocean from each drop.
I might be rich on the outside but that doesn’t mean I like to spend some green
Let me tell you
Im as cheap as you get
If a person could take a dime out of a quarter
then id be takeing a penny out of a dime.
I swear I feel like preachin now.
Christian beliefs make me strong
God saved me from that day when the world walked out on me
So many people have died and, alked to the cars and left,
but the man upstairs hasn’t left my side
My soul lives on as it hurts from each
obstacle the devils put in front of me
But I overpass them and laugh in his face as thought I got I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard. As Mrs. Angelou says
I cant help it I want to live, problems or no problems that how im made
Im not meant to be perfect.
Im a women who says I have to be.
All im trying to do is find a way to make it
With issues of many
Yes I’m a thick chick
that lives in a world where
skinny is in, but I don’t want to thin
im happy with my size, so please make my kfc plate Ill be there o eat it in three
As the song says if your happy and you know it clap your hands… Clap Clap
But im going to clap for figuring out who
14
I am and not needing someone to tell me how to
I like being single,
Ive come to embrace it
Im not saying that it suits my style
for I would like someone by my side
To give me some attention
But to me this life is just great
Courtney Redmond
15
Love of two can make a girl wonder
What am I doing
I’ve never been through this
The one I love is so far away
Yet someone who I like and can get what I need is here
I’m so confused
If he had asked me before about doing the things we do earlier
I would be more into it
But I’m not
I’m afraid to lose the best person in my life
I want my baby so much to be here
But he is somewhere else
And I can’t stop him from being there
I miss him so much
My friend is great now but what will happen after
I mean I like him I can admit that
But I don’t really want him the way I used to
Ohh lord please help me
I can’t figure out the world anymore
There’s too many obstacles and choices to make
But when the time comes to deciding them
It all falls apart
It almost like your head is telling you to enjoy what you have now
But your heart holds you back with the constant reminder that
the one who loves you and who you love is not too far from you
I want cry
For the fact I miss them both
Yes one more then the other
But what is a girl to do when she has love
But its not with her
Is she supposed to stay put and wonder
Or go find it in another
I finally understand why women do the things they do in relationships
With meeting new people not anticipating something more then a friendship
But something more arises and you find yourself lost in something that fresh and new
I finally get it
I need love
No more running from love
When its one of the things that is keeping me grounded
And not going back to floating in nothing
Im here and its here to stay
For ever and ever
Courtney Redmond
16
Moolight Orchestra
Moonlight flows through open doors
Stars twinkle like diamonds
Lights go out with one breath
The night music starts to play
An orchestra of musicians starts
Different notes put together
Sings the sweet songs of the days end
Soon another note plays
DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG
Clocks chime 12 a new song starts
It’s the beginning of a new day.
A song starts low
With only a few instruments playing a note.
Then the noise gets louder, and louder.
Someone's playing a saxophone in the night
The beat is pleasant,
But shows the pain in the notes.
It's telling a story, about what,
I don't know
The sun rises
Colors beam from trees
We wake from dreams
The music dies
And the day goes on
Till tonight
When the moonlight orchestra.
Rises again
Courtney Redmond
17
My Angel
Your sweet as a button
and as nice as a lamb
you are gods angel to me
he sent you to save me
and free me from my pain
But something has happened
I have fallen for my angel
could this be love
or is it lust
Could I have found my tru love
or is it all a dream
my angel
or have you fallen for me too
My Angel
are you there
can you hear me
can you not see my tears
or am I lost to you
Please my angel
be mine
forever and always
please
dont leave me behind
What other person could treat you
like I can
who can be me
and make you happy
like I can
Please my angel
come to me
you say you love me
but would you show it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Courtney Redmond
18
No Love Please
Every time I look at you
My head screams
Kiss him
Hug him
Love Him
“NO”, I can’t; I can’t do it no more
Love was the silly emotion I played
He took my heart and broke into pieces
I won’t love again
“NO”, I will not let the dreams of a romance
Start to swim in a vat of open arms
“NO”, I won’t be taken alive
You will have to kill me before I let another take my heart
Enough is enough
I won’t play the fool no more
One romance was too much for me
Hate me for giving up on the lovers dream
I drove that road before
And I won’t do that no more
I’d rather have a raven pick out my eyes
While vultures eat my body
Before the emotion of love,
Can spill from my body.
Sweet victory, please come to me as
I fall in the darkness
No more can my eyes see
For the color has faded and the sights been drawn
Just figures of falseness
Brewing on faces of people
Simple as that
No more love is to spare
Courtney Redmond
19
Purple Rose
Stepping on the golden stairs
I saw my life flash on the walls
My pains
My happiness
My hatred
My everything
It was all judged on the walls
Nothing was said, but the screams I yelled
As devils beat my back
I didn’t mean to do it
All I did was live my life
Please stop the pain from coming
Blood trickled down my back as the blades hit
My sensitive flesh
Open and shredded
Muscles revealed themselves
My tears flowed freely now
As the pain fused with my mind
Nothing could save me
From the life I lived
All of a sudden the beatings stopped
No blood covered my body
Feeling nothing my hands drifted over the scars that were once there
But the were clean as though nothing had ever touched me
Looking around to find an answer for my salvation
But all that was left was
A dove floating off into the heavens
And a purple rose at my feet.
Courtney Redmond
20
Reasons
Give me a reason to wander the world.
Tell me the truth, for lies are told.
Whisper your ways to be yourself
And I will whisper mine.
For today is changing
Screwing with the minds making people feel unwanted
Letting them wait for death.
Show the way a child feels lost in this world
We lose everything we wish we had
We have all lost hope in what we believe; it left the day tragedy struck
Will everything we lost come back to us?
Courtney Redmond
21
Salvador Dali Made Me Think It
Sweet windows of Imagination
Dream upon wisdom
For surrealism is the key.
As my mind wanders the page
I wonder how statues of men and women stand so tall
When the world falls,
Or if life is truly life
Unless we follow standards of others.
Imagination I say
Run wild
With checkerboard floors that beam lasers into the weary eyes.
But the wild savages as we call them
Know what to do
They know the land
The cliffs
They know man is help responsible for their crimes
But where I might ask
Does a woman reside
Women are woven material
All perfected by the creator
Men have no say in what creates beauty
Darwin sat there and tried to categorizing beauty
But if beauty is so hard to see then stop looking for it
Because you won’t find it as you watch women grow
From daughters to a mothers
As they wipe away the pain and sorrow into the lake of forever use.
The art forms pictures,
But when the art of real life turns to fiction
What ideas will other genres have?
We have the capability to spread the ideas around
But they are taken by others who point fingers at one another
Even if, there is no one to blame.
Let’s just forgive each other of our crimes
The crime of thinking beyond
As volcanoes explode in our brains
Unless they lie dormant for years of nothing to do,
But sit and stare.
Though are mind deteriorates, our body grows
Finding our stature in life as our fingers find the egg of life
But as it drops
The answer to all life’s problems cracks upon us.
Courtney Redmond
22
She Who Conqures
Could the world see me
If I showed my true self
The fearless gurl
Stays silent
As night turns to day
Most the time the real b in me tells me to do things
The silent me doesn’t want to do
Most the time I shut her up with cookie and keep on going
But lately I can’t stop her from the mess she makes
The struggle between the two of us brings so much drama
Though drama seems to be my middle name lately
As it unfolds into the bigger issues
I try to hide myself in my little corner
But the other me fights till she get what she wants
If she wants something she has got to have it
Even thought the one thing she truly wants she cant have
The man of her dreams seems so far away
He knows her but cant see her
He senses her attitude, her charm, and her wit
He can’t find the beauty that resides
No matter how hard she flirts
He can’t see it
It’s only a chuckle
Then back to his own life
So the silent one forgets
And the loud on retaliates
Though it seems we are so different
In stature
Though we are one body
Courtney Redmond
23
Teenage Romance
Teenage Romance is hitting me… again
Seems like not that long ago
I didn’t give 2 shits about romance
Other then the appreciation
“That I Courtney Redmond was in a relationship
And getting some ass”
From a guy that truly loved me for me
Sex is nice, well if I would get it on the regular
Then I could write more on it
But I can’t.
I can only say with pride
That I’m a virgin
Who reads too many romance novels
And dreams of a romance that will last for all time.
Silly dreams.
I’m such a teenager… I need a life.
I need to get laid too…. Soon
Well I think I can make it for a while
But the only thing that makes it all worthwhile
Is that I’m clean… there ain’t no bugs on me
Says the puppy in me.
I need to move on from the romance days
And into the new
No more living in the sex crazed world of others
And into the world of focusing on school
And career…. Then *poof* live on.
Being single isn’t as bad as people make it seem
Its fun most of the time
Till the dreaded Valentines day comes
Or the couple of the week meets and puts their lips together
And eww I don’t even want to talk about it anymore.
I need a drink after all this teenage romance stuff
It’s all for the birds… well more the love birds.
Girls here’s a hit how about instead of a guy
How about you get a dog.
More reliable I say on certain matters.
I hate being a teenager… might as well shoot myself
For all the drama in romance.
But hey what else would I have to hide from
Other then myself.
Courtney Redmond
24
Wiilow Tree
Let her weep
For her tears mean nothing
They just flow to the earth
To begin another’s life
Oh willow tree willow tree
Please don’t cry onto the riverbank.
It’s not healthy for you nor for me
I know you have been hurt, and I have too.
I see the marks on you bark
Man has made those marks
As one man has made mine
I wish I could heal your wounds,
As you have healed mine.
Willow tree willow do not die
Do not wither in the earth, and fall to oblivion
As others have left me
I can’t handle that no more
I need something to last here.
As time drifts on
And the seasons change
I want you willow to be there for me
I don’t want a man to hurt me
I don’t want a friend to betray me
I just want you
Lets spend today consoling our selves
As our lives and dreams die on as we all succeed time
Courtney Redmond
25
Wounded Soldier
What have I done?
To feel this way
Moms always working then going to school
Dad works all day to then drinks it all away
Why must my brother and I worry so much?
We ask ourselves
Why must we put up with this?
Why?
Can you tell me that answer?
We are good kids
With a family
That thinks for themselves.
What would it be like if no one cared?
Where do I qualify as a good person?
If I cant do anything but be me
And still fight each battle as a wounded soldier
I want it all to stop
I want to drink it off till I’m numb
I don’t want to have to fight anymore
I’m just so tired
Maybe if I rest it will all go away?
Courtney Redmond